Paranoia in the powder room

Testing out my will to change myself, Today after the gym I decided to use their sauna. To any other girl it would be a glorious venture, but to me it was one step in the right direction.

Let me explain...

I am a paranoid person. understatement. I am a very paranoid person. I have a hyperactive imagination in the wrong direction. I.E. My boyfriend gets home from my house and takes 30 minutes longer than he usually does to call me. Conclusion: He's dead.

I'm also very claustrophobic. Hopefully you will see where I am going with this.

Anyway, So I grabbed a towel, got naked, turned the sauna dial to on, and walked in. At first, I notice its very small, well it wasn't that small (bigger than the one in the picture).

I start to get nervous. I'm all by myself. I start to hug my water bottle to my chest, sucking on it vigorously, my heart is palpitating. Why? because in my mind, a loud sound will go off scaring me out of my skin, the walls will start to close and the door will lock. I'm trapped and some figure in the darkness will come to kill me. I'm convinced. I start to think this is a bad idea. I really have to pee.

I talk to myself to try and calm my nerves. "Lina, It's a sauna not a death trap. It will be fun" I force myself to sit on the wooden bench.

The sauna turns on and smoke comes from the floor. I start to panic again. It's mustard gas, It will trigger the alarm, the sprinkler will go off, the door won't open, someone is coming to kill me. The smoke swirls in circles, slowly engulfing the room. My heart is going to fail, I can't breath, someone is coming to kill me.

The Step.

I don't move my legs "Lina, you have to leave. Someone is coming to kill you".

"I am going to enjoy this relaxing sauna" I stay.

The entire room is submerged in silky, thick, fog.

"Lina, you can't breathe, your going to suffocate"

"This is very relaxing"

water bottle still glued to my chest straw mended to lips.

I cannot see anything, My vision is completely blocked. If anyone wanted to kill me, they could and I would never see it coming, but no one did. I sat there by myself in a small room with steam so thick I couldn't even see the door. I was okay. I pried the water bottle from my chest, put it down and looked at it. My shield was down. I felt like for once I was just a naked girl in a sauna room, and I had not a worry that second.

There were parts where my imagination would try to play tricks on me. For a split second I saw a foggy black head on the floor, I laughed. Another second i saw a black figure sitting next to me, I stayed.

I told you, this is the start to a new and better person. Lemmy 2.0 in production one step at a time.