Zen to be young

Since I turned 18, I felt forty. I cannot explain why but I wanted to return to the place with no responsibilities, no financial problems, no need to worry about getting a job.

A need to be young again.

This inexplicable feeling had its strong points, other times it was dumbed down.

Even though I knew nothing of this world would bring me back to that point in my life, so whenever strong feelings came, I quickly accepted the idea that it was never going to happen.

Except what happened yesterday...

I went to watch Toy Story 3 in 3-D with Diggy. 

I remembered why I hated Pixar. 

They took one of my favourite childhood movies and turned it into a funeral.

Why must Pixar be so evil? I cried 5 times. Five. I am 20 years old and I cried 5 times to Toy Story 3. It helped that I am close to my period, but none the less it was crazy depressing.

It was all about growing up, abandoned toys, accepting fate and moving on.

When I was a kid I hated change.

I knew the dreaded day when I would wake up and be an adult would eventfully happen.

Now its here.

For a favourite kids movie to be going threw the same devastating things, depresses me.

Stupid Pixar why can't you just make happy movies!

When I'm sad I want a cartoon to make me happy.

Not make me want to kill myself with its depressing storyline.

Then, I thought about my childhood a bit more.

Playing at the jungle gym

Skipping rope

Playing with friends

That was up until I was 6.

Then, the bullying, weight gain and depression came.

Oh ya, my childhood sucked.

So, me being dependant on Pixar making happy childhood movies replaces the need to think about mine.

My feeling to be young has gone, not fully but that is something else I need to change.

It's gone, never coming back. Cherish the ones that are good, and 

have better times now.

... Never. Watching. Another. Pixar. Movie. Again.